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[Monday
November 20th, 2006
12:36am] |
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so this afternoon i told brian that i was done with all of this going back and forth stuff because it was just stressing me out and i couldn't take it anymore, so i get home from work and im kind of depressed i don't know why and i get online and he ims me and then he says "so..i know we are like broken up and stuff but do you want to come spend the night tommorow night we have needs you know "no strings attached"" i am appalled, i don't even know how to respond to that bullshit.
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[Friday
October 27th, 2006
5:54pm] |
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mood |
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 irritated |
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So today was extremely long considering i was bitched out last night till around 12:30 and didn't get to sleep until around 2. I love how he points out my every flaw and makes me feel like shit, its wonderful, and how he says he "loves me" but them proceeds to tell me how hot my friends are. hmm my self esteem is sky high let me tell you. Its cool to think my friends are hott because they are but i don't need to hear comments about their ass and so forth. He tells me what a horrible person i am, and then calls me the next day like nothing is wrong. He is driving me insane and i don't know what to do =\
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[Thursday
October 26th, 2006
3:30pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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so my last entry in lj was over 2 years ago..but im grounded and provided with way more time than i know what to do with, therefore desperate times call for desperate measures and here i am. this year is so much different than anything i have ever experienced. I looked forward to this year, thought it was going to be some great thing. School pretty much sucks, so i rarely go. If it wasn't for my job and for Allison and Elisa and my other friends that i love dearly i do not know what i would do. So far this year there has been enough drama to last me the entire year, and as usual i get dragged into it and blamed for things that i have no control over.
My love life is virtually nonexistent. Which is probally a good thing, sometimes i just need some time to myself. I think what frustrates me most is how he calls me daily and says he "loves me" but he has absolutely nothing to say. he calls me and says nothing, just sits, silence. Why call someone to say nothing? Sounds pretty pointless to me. It is probally my fault as usual.
I miss how things used to be.
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[Friday
December 2nd, 2005
2:33pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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this week has been pretty awful. school sucks as usual, daniel won't even look at me and i don't know what i did?, his gf hates me even though i apologized, people are driving me crazy, and last but not least i got lost at the christmas parade last night.
but johnny being the wonderful person he is came and got me and took me home. you have no idea how much that meant to me. thank you.
tonight im going out to eat with my grandparents, and then out with elisa and allison. should be entertaining.
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[Tuesday
November 15th, 2005
3:09pm] |
im glad thats all it took to remind you i wasn't worth it
your fake and i can't stand it
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[Saturday
November 12th, 2005
9:30am] |
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
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[Friday
November 11th, 2005
2:22pm] |
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im feeling things i shouldn't feel.
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[Thursday
November 10th, 2005
6:16pm] |
wow this year is tough. seemingly constant drama. super hard classes. work. boys.
i really miss the people that i don't get to see everyday at school. especially sothir. i miss you soo much! and i miss rachel too! im so used to talking and seeing her at least once a week, and i havne't seen her in ages =(
i miss laying on my butt and watching tv and talking on the phone for hours. school has completely consumed my life.
well im off the the FSC lecture.
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[Wednesday
November 2nd, 2005
10:53pm] |
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i love how im taking notes for psychology about stress, and everything i write is how i feel. joys. i need to quit my job and get some sleep.
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[Tuesday
October 25th, 2005
2:26pm] |
so today was my first official slacker day. i had work last night, and i spent the weekend with my mom. so i didn't do any hw. so i decided to stay home today. i feel crappy b/c i know i should have just done it and gone to school, but it was nice to sleep in till 10:30 and get all my stuff done at a normal unstressed pace. im going to get a new phone in like an hour. so that should be fun. hopefully i didn't miss too much school stuff, i missed everyone there tho =\.
♥much love♥
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[Monday
October 17th, 2005
3:31pm] |
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so after school today i went to the YMCA like i always do, and this guy was there. he is like mentally handicapped and he said hello to me and i said hey back. well then he came over and started tlaking to me about nothing and working out and stuff, and i couldn't really understand what he was saying. but i felt bad so i just went along and talked and stuff. then he started like grabbing my arms and legs to see my "muscles". and i was kinda freaked out. i thought he would go away but he followed me around the weight room for about 45 minutes. he kept saying he was my personal trainer and stuff. weird. and then i was like i have to go, and he was trying to walk me out to the car, but i was like its okay ill be fine ill see you later, and finally he let me go. i feel so bad, but it freaked me out. *shudders* well thats the end of my story. goodbye.
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[Sunday
October 16th, 2005
12:41pm] |
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so last night was mary lee's party, and it was amazing. we went to bennigans and ate and got balloon animals and hung out for like 2 1/2 hours. then we went back to her house, and cody and denny and lindsey duct taped me in a carboard box. then matt, lindsey,evan, and hannah went and bought silly string, that denny shot at the cat. then her dad kicked the boys out, and all the girls started watching the sixth sense. me and sam passed out on the couches. this morning me and mary ate cake and cinnamon rolls for breakfast. mmMMmm. i love mary lee, she is absolutely fantastic.
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[Saturday
October 8th, 2005
6:43pm] |
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mary lee had sex with me in her dream. she subconsciously wants to sleep with me. sw33t. :)
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[Friday
October 7th, 2005
9:51pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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supposedly, i have a "boyfriend" named matt pryor but :sigh: he can't seem to make time for me --- he can make time for other girls, poker night, car club and he has never missed an All Saints foot ball game --- and if he calls me once a week, i'm lucky. i'm glad how boys know how to treat girls now a days. why bother having a "girlfriend" if you won't make time to see her, or to even talk to her? i feel useless and unwanted.
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[Thursday
October 6th, 2005
9:10pm] |
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so today after school me sammy and lauren went around lake hollingsworth, and then i had soccer practice. and im still sore from pilate class last night. my muscles are like twitching they are so tired. blah it feels good tho. ive had a rush of endorphins all week. i now call allison chicken b/c when shes playing soccer thats what she looks like. i love her. im disgusting so im gonna go take a shower now.
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[Wednesday
September 28th, 2005
3:31pm] |
today was insane, my alarm didn't go off so i didn't have time to finish my hw. i was like scrambling in first period to finish my hw. 2nd and 4th were okay. 6th was stupid as usual. after 6th period i was walking with denny and mary and tony was walking behind me and when i took a step he grabbed my foot from behind, and i fell flat on my face. it hurt soooo bad. i started tearing up. my elbows and knees are all bruised up. gahhh. then to make up for it tony dropped of a dozen yellow roses at my house, and started playing the song me and him danced to at hc. it was cute, so i suppose i forgive him. hes a crazy kid.
i hate school.
[p.s.] my bf matt is a hottie. <3
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[Monday
September 26th, 2005
2:29pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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this years homecoming was amazing
i love all of my friends
my butt and legs are suppeerrr sore tho!
i saw phillip and he looked extremely hott
this weekend was exhausting but extremely fun :)
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
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[Sunday
September 18th, 2005
8:37pm] |
i hate being alone
i want to fall in love and live happily ever after
i need to stop watching movies
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[Saturday
September 17th, 2005
9:43pm] |
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Elisa Rush is my soul mate.
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[Thursday
September 15th, 2005
5:42pm] |
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broken into a million pieces
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